Trusting in His faithfulness

I write this blog post from my sick bed. Yet again I have been struck down by the latest thing that's going round! Becky with her amazing immune system has once again avoided the vommitting virus that's hit Muizenberg. To compound matters, Joshua has post immunisation sickness which has hit him pretty hard this time.

The question came to mind as I lay writhing with stomach cramps waiting for the next sick to come up: why does God allow this? I cried out a few times to God: why? and please heal! Yet God did not take away my pain, or comfort me in the way I wanted.

When you get sick, instinct takes precedence  All thoughts of others go out of the window. People, generally, become very selfish when their body is attacked in this way. We cling on to those around us who can care for us and make demands that we would never make otherwise - "I need water", "don't talk to me now". "where are you, I need a painkiller". I found myself saying these very same things. Becky, whose patience goes beyond what most people's tolerance levels would, was an angel. Quietly supporting me, whilst taking care of Joshua, she did a sterling job of keeping the house together with two dependants crying out for help.

I don't know why God allows those serving him to suffer. Why are there missionaries with HIV/AIDS? Why do missionary families sometimes suffer miscarriage and infant death? Why do some missionaries have to leave the mission field early because of lack of finances?

It's not something I have an easy straightforward answer to. But I come back to the a belief that God is who He says he is, and I can trust Him. From that foundation, I feel quite within my relationship boundaries to cry out and ask him these questions, without doubting for a minute his goodness, mercy and everlasting love. It may seem like a paradox to those onlookers who do not have a relationship with Jesus, but it goes to the very core of our faith. Faith is only tested by our ability to hold onto the truth of who God is when our circumstances don't reflect that goodness (in our minds). I trust God is good, his mercy is everlasting and his love knows no bounds. And I will declare his truth for my life even when I am in agony, grieving or just hurting.